Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
