He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
