I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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