that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
