He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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