Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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