If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
