I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
