i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
