I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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