is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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