but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
