You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
