the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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