Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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