that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
