R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
