She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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