ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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