He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize