We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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