He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
