the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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