Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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