Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
