I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
