I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
