Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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