if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize