The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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