The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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