It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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