I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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