Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
