fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
