that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
vagina is talking i cant
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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