Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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