What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
