I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
