Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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