Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
