girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's blow job season.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
