i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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