she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
