May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
