You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
