Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
