i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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