i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
