well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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