And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
