i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
