I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
