My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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