Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
