That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
