Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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